i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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