She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
