Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
