Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
