he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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