I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
