I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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