I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
