totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
