What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
