i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
