i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
