mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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