the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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