Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
