I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
