Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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