Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
