I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
