i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
