she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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