I want to have your abortion
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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