if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
