'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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