Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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