why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
