The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
