he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
