I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
