i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
