I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
