names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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