Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
