I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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