I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
