respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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