Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
