can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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