You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
