i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
