Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
