Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
