god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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