Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
