Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
