His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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