I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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