i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
