I think my vagina is haunted
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
