A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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