he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
