do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
