Yo dont text me then not text me
is wine microwaveable?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
